Category: learning

Spiritual, Philosophical

The clock is ticking

On By Anita SatyajitIn learning, Life, Musings, PersonalLeave a comment

Past few days, I have been feeling like I am on a countdown. As though the clock is ticking and I can hear it inside me, around me, everywhere. And I am left wondering – I don’t know how much time is left for this countdown to end. I sat for days watching the clock tick away. Watching regrets rise, watching fears take misshapen forms. Feeling the urge to fix things, repair things. Feeling the need to rush to loved ones. Feeling isolation, feeling separated, feeling desperation and the pain of not knowing.

And then I stopped watching. I can still hear the clock ticking away in the background. But, from anxiety the thoughts are moving to living. From fear it is moving to gratitude. From worry it is moving to action. From restlessness it is moving to stillness. No two moments are the same. And as different as it is, as unsettling as it feels, it also feels grounding. Like it is time to grow my roots deeper into myself. Into the things that really matter.

It is time to grow from being a helpless child, unwilling to step outside her cocoon, still wanting someone to take care of her, to a person who is ok not knowing things. From being a fearful, anxious, self-judgmental spiritual seeker to a being who is beginning to understand that though she knows a lot, she understands little and practices even lesser.

Now, this ticking moment, is a moment to do what I have never done before. What I have avoided, felt uncomfortable doing. It is a ticking reminder to be silent, to be still, to look inside and accept who I am. Flaws and all. But it is also time to give up useless conversations, useless thoughts, useless memories, a time to empty all the knowledge and create space inside for God. Or rather to remove the clutter, so I can find the real Self inside.

It is time to give away freely all that I have. A time to stop hoarding what I feel is ‘me’ and ‘mine.’ A time to break barriers. A time to strip myself of all adjectives, synonyms, similes and metaphors, to see what remains.

And the clocks ticks. Tells me there is really not that much to do. Stop doing. Be here now. Stay in the present. There is really nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one to be. Join with the ever-present stillness, peace and joy. If an action or emotion emerges, honour it. And that is all there is to life. Living it with a honesty. Living it with a simplicity. Living it without frills and fanfare because the clock is ticking.

The clock is ticking and I can see the Oneness in all there is. People coming together, universe sending support in unexpected ways. So much good and gracious in what could be the dark hours. All we really need is light. Inside us, if we can hold it. Or someone near us who holds it for us when we aren’t able to shine ours.

Red said it very wisely in Shawshank Redemption – Get busy living or get busy dying. I think I chose the former.

A short-story on faith for World Story-telling Day

On By Anita SatyajitIn learning, Life, spirituality, WritingLeave a comment

Returning to Krishna

Usha looked at the clock. It was not yet 5. Sliding off the bed, careful not to wake up Ravi, she walked to the bathroom. The door creaked a bit as she opened it, but Ravi slept on, blissfully unaware of anything. She wondered how he could be so peaceful all the time.

As she brushed, she looked at herself in the mirror. The lines besides her eyes had deepened. The few strands of white hair glowed bright under the bathroom light. They were signs of her age. What was supposed to display the wisdom? Was she really any wiser now as an adult than as a teenager? Her fears still seemed to overcome her. Here she was helpless, trembling as she watched her fearful thoughts running in a loop. Playing the same movie of terror over and over in her head.

The cold water she splashed on her face seemed to knock a few thoughts away. What was the purpose of thinking about something she had no control over? What was the point in going over scene by scene of frightful possibilities in her head? What was the point of trying to know more, understand more about what was happening? She heard Ravi say she was causing herself immense suffering with her overthinking. And yet she couldn’t stop. She had been trying.

She rubbed her face vigorously with a towel. She rubbed the tears away with even more vigour. It wouldn’t and couldn’t move beyond the towel. She was tired of crying. She took a breath and felt the fear pressing down on her lungs. Heavy and immobile, sitting on her chest, refusing to budge, refusing to let her breathe deeply.

Walking to the kitchen, her gaze fell on the darkened prayer altar tucked away in a corner. When was the last time she lit the lamp? Just as she was about to walk away, she froze. Buried under a layer of dust, the idol of Krishna was smiling at her. She had meant to clean it last week and had forgotten. She walked to the bottle of water on the kitchen platform and poured herself a glass. She spilled some on and watched the water run towards the sink. And just like she heard Grandma’s voice rise from the folds of her memory. “Nothing in the world is permanent. The only constant is your connection to God. When life is lived with this awareness, everything is simple. Just take it one moment at a time. You and God. One moment as a time.”

The glass trembled in her hand as she sipped the water. Suddenly, she was overcome with a restlessness to clean the altar. Picking up the dusting cloth, she walked to the altar. A prayer, she said as a child, found its way to her lips. Grandma had taught her that when she was little. She picked up the idol of Krishna and carried him to the kitchen sink. She watched as the water flowed over him, carrying away the dust, bringing back a lustre to the idol.

Usha used to love Krishna. As a child, she would lovingly bathe her grandma’s idols and dress them in tiny colourful bits of cloth. But Krishna was her favourite one. She would hug his idol and dance with him. She remembered how she would talk to Krishna whenever she was scared or sad. She remembered praying to him, crying with him, and even getting angry with him when she couldn’t have her way. Once when her parents were out at night, she had been so afraid. Grandma was sleeping in her room and so Usha had rushed to Krishna and held him close to her heart. As she spoke to him, she had felt comforted, safe.

Now, she instinctively hugged the wet, soggy Krishna idol. Soon, she didn’t know if it was her tears that were bathing him or if he was still wet from his splash under the tap. Usha stood still, leaning against the kitchen platform just holding the idol. She looked at him with questions in her eyes. She looked at him with yearning in her heart. She looked at him and felt the familiar warm of the love she once felt for him burn in her heart. Why had she had forgotten him?

Reaching for the end of her sari, she wiped the idol dry and placed him in the altar. The prayer found its way back to her lips, as she reached for the wick of the lamp. As she chanted the prayer, Usha found the heaviness in her chest loosening itself. “Me and you. One moment at a time,” she told Krishna. Lighting up the lamp, she looked around the kitchen at the golden shadows dancing around her. She was with her Krishna. Krishna smiled at her. Usha found herself smiling back at him, as she closed her eyes and sat down to pray. 

A process for times of overwhelm, stress or conflict.

On By Anita SatyajitIn ACIM, GD, learning, spirituality2 Comments

Last Sunday, GD shared these words from A Course in Miracles (ACIM). When the going seems tough, most of us simply succumb to the energies of the moment. These simple statements from the ACIM though, when put together, form a process that one can use during such times. And so here it is – the overwhelmed soul’s toolkit for returning to peace!

All you need for this process to work are a pair of functioning eyes, an ability to read, and a readiness to return to peace 😊 And oh, just remember to read this in the order given below. Pause every now and then whenever you feel like it, and do free to share this with anyone you feel this will be helpful to. It contains both GD’s and ACIM’s energies, and hence packs a punch.

Process

A Course in Miracles (ACIM) says this about any kind of challenge and problem –

“The secret of salvation is simply this: that you are doing this unto yourself. No matter what the form of the attack, this is still true. Whoever takes the role of enemy and of attacker, still is this the truth. Whatever seems to be the cause of any pain and suffering you feel, this is still true. For you would not react at all to figures in a dream if you knew that you were dreaming. Let them be as hateful and as vicious as they may, they could have no effect on you unless you failed to recognize it is your dream.

This single lesson learned will set you free from suffering, whatever form it takes. For this one answer takes away the cause of every form of sorrow and of pain. And you will understand that miracles reflect the simple statement – I have done this thing, and it is this I would undo.”

So, whenever you see something troubling you remember –

1) This is not real. I have created this dream –
“I” have created this. That is where the emphasis is. This is something “I” see.

2) I release the purpose I created this for –
What is the purpose for which you created this event? For example, are you trying to prove to yourself that your suffering is real? Are you trying to prove your body is real? Are you trying to prove money or relationships are real? Your mind is always trying to prove multiple things in any scenario. Can you see this whole scenario as an illusion?

3) I release all meaning I have given to this –
We give meanings to every scenario. “This is not fair. This should not be happening to me. This means I am bad. This is about karma.” Releasing all meanings means we return to innocence.

4) I let go of wanting to be unique, separate and special-
Suffering offers its own brand of uniqueness and specialness. “Poor me, I do so much and suffer. God is unfair, etc.” The ego creates both specialness and greatness. If you want to be unique, separate and special, you have to believe you are a body. Because consciousness cannot be unique, separate and special. It is only the body that can do that.

Finally say,

I release all guilt and attack on others –
(“They shouldn’t do this. They are making me suffer.” But remember, we are doing this unto ourselves! The ego cannot believe this. For the ego, someone is always doing this to us and we cannot do this to ourselves. Projecting it on others is always the bottom-line of attack.)

I release all guilt and attack on myself-
(“I should do more. I shouldn’t feel angry on others. I shouldn’t…” It is all about guilt and self- attack. We either attack others or ourselves.)

I release all guilt and attack on God and the universe-
(Once we are done blaming others or ourselves, then all the blame goes to God. We believe somewhere that the universe is against us and God is punishing us.)

Finally, say to yourself

  • I am as God created me –
    Regardless of what is happening, you are still pure Consciousness. You are still whole, complete and perfect.
  • My holiness reverses all the laws of this world –
    Because you created this mess, you can uncreate it anytime. The problem is we always perceive causes to be external and spend an entire lifetime fixing it. The problem is always some cause in the mind.
  • I am God’s Son and His Son cannot suffer –
    Jesus says suffering is impossible for a child of God, unless he chooses that particular dream.
  • I am not afraid of God, the world, or the body anymore…

A Practical Guide to Forgiveness – 2

On By Anita SatyajitIn ACIM, GD, learning, spirituality, Writing1 Comment

Part one of this post which speaks about what Forgiveness is and why it is important is here.

HOW DO WE FORGIVE?

According to DOTU there are three major components of forgiveness –

1) Remember that you are dreaming.
2) Forgive both your projected images and yourself for dreaming them.
3) Trust the Holy Spirit and choose his strength.

ACIM’s formula of forgiveness is summed up into these three points too –
1) the cause shall be identified
2) then let go
3) be replaced.

Below is an example of how forgiveness can be applied to a particular situation.

Situation – You feel the child/spouse/partner/boss is not listening to you. Trying to communicate generates anger, frustration and results in an argument.

Steps:
1) As soon as you realise you are fighting, as soon as you are aware, pause and step out of the room. Take a break. Breathe and check if you willing to let this go.

2) If you are not willing to let this go or the upset/emotions feel strong, do some tapping, H ‘o’ pono pono or any clearing process to release the energy. Only then go on to forgiveness. If the energy is too intense, chances are forgiveness will not work.

3) If you are willing to let this go, look at the situation and check if you can identify the emotion that has got triggered or the judgement at work here.

4) Next, ask for the help from holy spirit. This can be done in the form of a prayer or simply stating an intent. (Prayers are given below). It is useful to say the prayer and address the problem/judgement/etc. If you are not clear about what specific thought, judgement or belief is triggering this, then you could say, “Please help me forgive whatever I think is happening or not happening.”

5) Create some forgiveness statements for yourself and the person you have projected this on. Example-

I forgive myself for being impatient with ….
I forgive myself for yelling at …..
I forgive myself for wanting things to go my way all the time…
I forgive myself for being bossy….
I forgive …. for not listening to me
I forgive ….. for raising his/her voice at me….
I forgive myself for wanting to be right all the time…..
I forgive myself for wanting attention….
I forgive myself for believing all this is real…
I forgive myself for wanting this to be real…
I forgive myself for being unable to let go of the past…

Create forgiveness statements for yourself, the person who you are angry with, the situation. It anger is what you are forgiving, it also helps if during this process you create statements for anyone else you may have been angry with at other points of time. Dual-sided forgiveness is when you forgive yourself and the other. GD points out that triple-sided forgiveness is even more powerful.

5) Hand this over to the holy spirit once again. This is a very important step. ACIM reminds us that forgiveness cannot be done by the mind. It is the Holy Spirit/God/Jesus who can actually make forgiveness happen. Once the imaginary problem is handed over, we come to a state of trust and surrender… a state of “Thy will be done.”

Do remember

– The situation given above is very simple. But forgiveness works the same for what we think of as a fight with someone or a fight to see the cancer as being unreal.

–  Forgiveness cannot fix the problem. We can only fix our need to see the problem as real.

– It is only when we forgive others (our projections) that we can truly begin to forgive the illusion. The point is also to see the ‘other’ is the same as us.

– Allow the forgiveness statements to emerge organically. There are no right and wrong words. The act of forgiveness takes places due to our connection to God/Jesus/holy spirit. It is not based on what we say as much as our willingness to see the projection and release it.

– Many forgiveness practises do not use forgiveness statements. But explicitly saying that you forgive yourself for …. and forgive others for (whatever you see) is a very powerful way of putting the truth out there. It is like accepting that you are in a dream, being willing to see it and allowing it to be released all at once.

– Using energetic tools like tapping, along with forgiveness statements really helps release the more stubborn, repetitive incidents that keep popping up. Tapping as you say the forgiveness statements can make you feel really light and empty.

– Forgiveness may not result in changing the situation as we see it. Forgiveness works across timelines and you may not see the impact you expect in your life.

– As you begin to pay attention to your mind, you may feel like you spend most waking moments of your day only doing forgiveness. Do not stop during this period. As Gary Renard says so beautifully in DOTU – “Discipline is doing what doesn’t come to us. Eons of habitual reactions and thought patterns are not changed easily. But my recent experiences were telling me that they could be changed.”

– While the ultimate goal is to step out the dream, even that is handed to the Holy Spirit/God/Jesus. The point is – Don’t sulk you are in the dream or feel guilt about wanting and desiring things. That is the ego’s goal to keep us stuck! All we need do is practise forgiveness and leave the rest to God.

PRAYERS

1) DOTU – True Forgiveness Thought Process Sample

You are not really there. If you think you are guilty or the cause of the problem, and if I made you up, then imagined guilt and fear must be in me. Since the separation from God never occurred, I forgive “both” of us for what we haven’t really done. Now there is only innocence, and I join with the Holy Spirit in peace.

2) From GD’s talks – Useful at the start of Forgiveness

Dear Jesus, my forgiveness is not perfect but yours is. Please help me with this forgiveness. All I can say is that my willingness is 100% and your ability is 100%. Together, our forgiveness will be 100%. Amen.

……

You are not really there. If I think you are guilty or the cause of the problem, and if I made you up, then the imagine guilt and the fear must be in me. Since the separation from God never occurred, I forgive “both” of us for what we haven’t really done. Now there is only innocence, and I join with the Holy Spirit in peace.

3) Daily prayer for forgiveness

–  Today I am willing to see past illusions to the truth,
– Today I am willing to become a little child and be taught by the one who knows,
– Today I step back and take my unhealed thoughts to the light, that I might see them for the nothingness they are.
– I am willing to let my projections be undone
– I am willing to remember where I am always
– Today I am willing to be happy, instead of right.

4) Useful at the end of the forgiveness process –

ACIM Lesson 46 – God is the Love in which I forgive.

God is the Love in which I forgive you, (name)
God is the Love in which I forgive myself.
God is the Love with which I love myself.
God is the Love in which I am blessed.
I cannot be guilty because I am a Son of God.
I have already been forgiven.
No fear is possible in a mind beloved to God.
There is no need to attack because Love has forgiven me.
God is the Love in which I forgive you.   

5) Nouk Sanchez – Useful at the start of the process

Holy Spirit, please help me to forgive myself for having unknowingly used this person/situation/pain/sickness/lack/anger/anxiety, etc. to attack myself, and to separate from your love as my holy self. Amen.

 

A Practical Guide to Forgiveness – 1

On By Anita SatyajitIn ACIM, GD, learning, spirituality, Writing2 Comments

This blog post is the first of a two part series. This first post includes the What and Why. Part Two covers the How.

WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?

“Let me perceive forgiveness as it is.” – Lesson 134 in ‘A Course in Miracles’ (ACIM).

Lesson 134 in the ACIM workbook says, “Forgiveness must be practiced, for the world cannot perceive its meaning, nor provide a guide to teach you its beneficence. There is no thought in all the world that leads to any understanding of the laws it follows, nor the Thought that it reflects. It is as alien to the world as is your own reality. And yet it joins your mind with the reality in you.”

Forgiveness is not something that can be explained. Neither can there be a standard guide for its application. But despite being exposed to the word ‘forgiveness’ early on in our lives, few of us truly understand what it means. As a student on the path, we know forgiveness is an invaluable tool to move beyond the confines of the ego-mind. But most people are still unclear, what the practise of forgiveness means or don’t know what it involves. If you want to know, read on.

Most people on earth still believe we live in a “real” world. We experience events and incidents where either we attack someone or are attacked ourselves. This attack can be experienced as anger, jealousy, criticism, fear, anxiety, sadness, greed or a thought of judgement like “I know better, they never understand, he always does this, etc.” Such experiences generate some thoughts in our head or sensations in our body. Then we continue to carry these experiences and their impact on us, believing them all to be true. But what if none of this is true? Most Saadhaks have heard that “none of this is true,” but few have had the experience of this. And that is where Forgiveness comes in. It is a practise that takes you closer to this experience of Truth.

From the perspective of A Course in Miracles (ACIM), forgiveness is a path to Truth. It is not a process as much as a way of life. ACIM tells us that while there are many paths to Truth, forgiveness is the easiest one. According to ACIM, a forgiveness practice thus involves-

1) Seeing experiences, as projections we have created based on our own unconscious thoughts and guilt.
2) Taking responsibility for what we see out there.
3) Bringing it back home and releasing it with God.

ACIM reminds us that ‘all attack is an attack on God.’ We are afraid of God because we believe we are separate for God and are unconsciously afraid God will punish us for it. This guilt keeps us trapped in the mind, which generates experience upon experience to keep us stuck in thoughts and away from God.  And it is this lie that forgiveness exposes.

WHAT SHOULD WE FORGIVE

ACIM says – “Forgive all thoughts which would oppose the truth of your completion, unity and peace.”

The world we see is symbolic. We must remember that everything in the world is just a projection of our guilt of separation from God. But since we can’t see that guilt and haven’t acknowledged it, we project that guilt out on to others in multiple different ways, by creating multiple different scenarios. These scenarios involve pain, sorrow, fear, death, destruction, revenge, anger… anything and everything that can keep us away from the Peace of God. What we need to do is – clean up our projections one by one, as and when we see them.

The mind can make this seem like an impossible task. The book Disappearance of the Universe (DOTU) reminds us – “Forgiveness is an attitude. Everything you learn becomes incorporated into that attitude until forgiveness happens automatically. For most people, especially during the first few years, forgiveness requires that you think about it. You become a master by having forgiving thought process.”

This is a valuable reminder since the ego can convince you forgiveness is another “dream activity.” The trick for the Saadhak is to remember that forgiveness is a dream activity, but it is the most valuable one of them all. Since it offers us the opportunity to move out of the dream.

WHY SHOULD WE DO IT?

DOTU says, “we must practise forgiveness on the level where our experience is. Yes, you have to understand the metaphysics of the course in order to understand what you are doing. But forgiveness is done here, which means you should be practical. And respectful of other people and their experiences.”

Even as we struggle to see this world as a dream, it is important to remember that this process of seeing begins with small steps. It begins by seeing every judgement, every episode of anger, every incident of sadness, every experience of illness as something that keeps us away from the Truth. The trick is to remember this and forgive ourselves for whatever it is we are experiencing. It is this forgiving that ACIM reminds us trains our mind to eventually see it all as a dream.

DOTU also reminds us that, “to forgive means to give ahead of time. In other words, your attitude is that you are ready to forgive, no matter what it is that comes up on your awareness.” This forgiveness opens us to the peace of God. Slowly and steadily we are lead away from the mind, towards God, towards Oneness.

If like ACIM says “we judge only yourself and forgive only yourself,” in this forgiving we forgive the world and begin to glimpse the dream for what it really is. And this slowly paves the way out for us.

For more on How to Forgive – click here

Whom will you hang out with today?

On By Anita SatyajitIn GD, learning, Life, Mental Health, Personal, spiritualityLeave a comment

A couple of days ago, I chanced upon the video of Oprah talking to Adyashanti, on her Super Soul Sunday show. The way Adyashanti was talking about living life connected with me. The word ‘dignity’ popped into my head. I thought about GD and how he lives. I thought about a few more people I know on the path and how they live their lives.

Be it spiritual masters or students on the path, everyone has to participate in daily activities and experience situations that do not fit the ‘spiritual’ tag. But what struck me about them and what I have not yet managed to learn, is how I go about my life. I am still stuck between wanting to live a simpler, ‘less affected by social norms’ life vs having deep attachments to family, clothes, and dark chocolates! And so I am automatically critical about myself. Perfection is a virus that seems to have deeply infected my system and I am extremely critical about “where I assume I am on the path,” pull myself down for not doing enough, and beat myself up for still having desires and attachments.

As I thought about the journey of those who I now admire, I realized everyone has gone through this graph. But the difference between them and me seemed to be the dignity with which they went about their lives. They gave no importance to anything that has happened and did not categorize it as spiritual or un-spiritual. They simply kept learning, putting into practice what they were learning and letting go of anything that came between them and God. When I look at their lives, I see humility, acceptance and compassion towards everyone including themselves. The base of their existence seems to be a silence, an observation of what happens, and a pause before they respond. All this is based not just on their mind or intelligence, but on their connection with the silence, with the Divine.

I thought what my life lacked was dignity. But as I explore this, it is apparent to me that dignity is another ego goal; what I can see in them and what I believe is lacking is serenity. I yearn for serenity. That still space, unaffected by life around it. And this is where my learning lies. I realize not only am I tough on myself and others, but most often I am not even aware of what I am doing. Life seems to be based on judging myself, feeling afraid, rejecting my own thoughts, feeling small and silly, and reacting to all this. And yet I can see, this is normal for most minds. It is the space the mind keeps returning to. When GD reminded me on Sunday that I am obsessed with myself, this is what he had meant. A life spent listening to the mind results in a hurried, stressful life. From the kiddo’s school project to the husband busy at work, everything seems to be a conspiracy against you – a poor helpless soul.

But as a student on the path, I know this much. I have a choice. I know a life with the mind, minus the Divine, is a small, petty, un-glorious life. It seems to be a life spent in self-glorification, protection, defense, confusion or indulgence. On the other hand, a life with the Divine seems to be one of stillness, serenity and peace. And I have experienced many moments of this connection.

So I ask myself today, who do I want to hang out with? My mind ( so that I can beat myself up a bit more) or with God ( unexpected, unknown day but serene).

I know I will choose God. Who will you choose?

 

 

 

 

Discovering who I truly am

On By Anita SatyajitIn GD, learning, Life, Personal, spiritualityLeave a comment

I have known for years that the spiritual path leads to the discovery of “Who I am.” Honestly, I had no clue what that really means. My mind has always assumed that the discovery of who-I-am would mean a series of mind-blowing, earth-shaking, soul uplifting experiences. Today as I sat transcribing one of my conversations with GD in which he helped me see how afraid I am of him, it came to me slowly… a tiny nudge on my shoulder, a tap-tapping on my brain, a gentle dawn… that as I acknowledge the games played by my mind, as I willingly let go of thoughts, beliefs, and a carefully constructed personality, I am moving closer towards discovering “who I truly am.”

Like most people the thought of “discover who you truly are” left me with esoteric goals of seeing light bodies and other dimensions. While those are probably part of the learning, I never realized how these conversations with GD were resulting in a deeper connect with my real self.

The ways of the mind are not pleasant to acknowledge and accept. Initially, every time I saw something that needs to be released, it would send me into a tizzy with even more stories so that I could avoid the truth that had just been revealed to me. But I can see now, that knowing “who I am” has to do with learning to consistently choose truth, honesty, clarity and integrity. However hard it may seem. I have realized that the sooner I accept and work on what is being revealed, the lighter I feel. Trying to escape only leads to chaos, guilt and pain. It is far more sensible, if you truly are a student on the path, to work on clearing these from your system.

Our beliefs, fears, thoughts and habits are not meant to be carried on and on for years. It is in their undoing, in the undoing of the mind, ego and personality, that lies the discovery of who we truly are.  If I remember this, then the time spent in being a victim throwing pity parties for myself, denial, anger and confusion, gets shorter and shorter as I progress on the path.

I have invested years in building my personality, intelligence and knowledge. It had left me with a void, with not knowing what I truly wanted, what made me happy or who I was. With GD, as I shed one thought, one belief, one fear after the other, I know I am walking closer to knowing the truth.

The less of the world there is on me, the more space I am opening up to God. The more I shed my mind, the lighter I feel. The more silence inside, the higher the possibility of hearing God. I am discovering that knowing “who-you-truly-are” is not really spiritual. It is not just another experience. It is not just another event. It really is the journey itself.