Dear God, I have come to this Holy city to atone for my sins. I have come here to lose myself and find you. My list of wrong doings runs long. I see myself as a mean person. I see myself as a selfish person. I see myself as uncharitable. I see myself as needy …
Continue reading Lesson 35: My mind is part of God’s. I am very holy.
I didn’t know why I had called her. She was not a friend I would turn to. She only spoke about God. God was a myth. I did not believe in that entity. And yet somehow, I had found myself calling her. There were times in the call when she had irked me as usual. …
Continue reading Lesson 34: I could see peace instead of this
I was more than a little confused. It was not like Shea to be upset or moody, especially with me. I was the one she confided to in her worst moments. Why was she not speaking to me today? Her choice to be quiet instead of talk to me had me confused. Maybe she had …
Continue reading Lesson 33: There is another way of looking at the world
As the phone rang, I knew what it would be. There was only one reason people woke me up in the middle of the night. Another baby had been left at our doorstep. As I got ready, I knew what everyone at the orphanage would be doing by now. There was a standard set of …
Sipping my coffee, I looked at the busy street outside. The traffic showed no sign of pausing. It was then I noticed the beggar, right outside the café. She was chasing after a man who was passing by. A dishevelled dirty skirt wrapped around her bottom, an oversize shirt hanging over a lanky top half, …
Continue reading Lesson 28: Above all else I want to see differently.
It had been a while and the pain had not abated. Taking one more sip of the warm water, I prayed that the pain subsides. I looked besides me to ensure the phone was close-by. I hoped it wouldn’t come to that and I wouldn’t need to dial emergency. Rubbing my aching tummy, I leaned …
Continue reading Lesson 26: My attack thoughts are attacking my invulnerability
The watch glistened inside the case. It was so pretty. I had waited for a long time to buy this. Saving and scrimping through the past 6 months to own this beautiful thing. I had imagined the compliments I would get when I would wear it. The envy in my nemesis’s eye, the admiration in …
Continue reading Lesson 25: I do not know what anything is for
“Shall I do some silent clearing, he asked?” Yes, we both said. Readily agreeing. I muted myself. I heard my friend do the same. I wanted to scream. I wanted to shout. I wanted to be angry. I did not want to show any of this. I knew he would sense all this, and I …
Continue reading Lesson 24: I do not perceive my own best interests
Our laughter sailed across the room disturbing other diners and causing some to look at way with irritation. But we didn’t care. Most of the girls didn’t even notice it like I did. Sinking back into my seat, I watched them talk. I couldn’t hear their words. My mind was too busy with mine. Friends. …
Continue reading Lesson 23: I can escape from the world I see by giving up attack thoughts
Before I could react, Ari had walked out the room. He slammed the door of his room screaming, “you are the worst mother ever.” A part of me wanted to chase him inside and shake him. His words scratched my heart. I felt dazed with rage. “How dare he speak to me this way,” screamed …
Continue reading Lesson 21: I am determined to see things differently
