The clock is ticking

Past few days, I have been feeling like I am on a countdown. As though the clock is ticking and I can hear it inside me, around me, everywhere. And I am left wondering – I don’t know how much time is left for this countdown to end. I sat for days watching the clock tick away. Watching regrets rise, watching fears take misshapen forms. Feeling the urge to fix things, repair things. Feeling the need to rush to loved ones. Feeling isolation, feeling separated, feeling desperation and the pain of not knowing.

And then I stopped watching. I can still hear the clock ticking away in the background. But, from anxiety the thoughts are moving to living. From fear it is moving to gratitude. From worry it is moving to action. From restlessness it is moving to stillness. No two moments are the same. And as different as it is, as unsettling as it feels, it also feels grounding. Like it is time to grow my roots deeper into myself. Into the things that really matter.

It is time to grow from being a helpless child, unwilling to step outside her cocoon, still wanting someone to take care of her, to a person who is ok not knowing things. From being a fearful, anxious, self-judgmental spiritual seeker to a being who is beginning to understand that though she knows a lot, she understands little and practices even lesser.

Now, this ticking moment, is a moment to do what I have never done before. What I have avoided, felt uncomfortable doing. It is a ticking reminder to be silent, to be still, to look inside and accept who I am. Flaws and all. But it is also time to give up useless conversations, useless thoughts, useless memories, a time to empty all the knowledge and create space inside for God. Or rather to remove the clutter, so I can find the real Self inside.

It is time to give away freely all that I have. A time to stop hoarding what I feel is ‘me’ and ‘mine.’ A time to break barriers. A time to strip myself of all adjectives, synonyms, similes and metaphors, to see what remains.

And the clocks ticks. Tells me there is really not that much to do. Stop doing. Be here now. Stay in the present. There is really nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one to be. Join with the ever-present stillness, peace and joy. If an action or emotion emerges, honour it. And that is all there is to life. Living it with a honesty. Living it with a simplicity. Living it without frills and fanfare because the clock is ticking.

The clock is ticking and I can see the Oneness in all there is. People coming together, universe sending support in unexpected ways. So much good and gracious in what could be the dark hours. All we really need is light. Inside us, if we can hold it. Or someone near us who holds it for us when we aren’t able to shine ours.

Red said it very wisely in Shawshank Redemption – Get busy living or get busy dying. I think I chose the former.

A short-story on faith for World Story-telling Day

Returning to Krishna

Usha looked at the clock. It was not yet 5. Sliding off the bed, careful not to wake up Ravi, she walked to the bathroom. The door creaked a bit as she opened it, but Ravi slept on, blissfully unaware of anything. She wondered how he could be so peaceful all the time.

As she brushed, she looked at herself in the mirror. The lines besides her eyes had deepened. The few strands of white hair glowed bright under the bathroom light. They were signs of her age. What was supposed to display the wisdom? Was she really any wiser now as an adult than as a teenager? Her fears still seemed to overcome her. Here she was helpless, trembling as she watched her fearful thoughts running in a loop. Playing the same movie of terror over and over in her head.

The cold water she splashed on her face seemed to knock a few thoughts away. What was the purpose of thinking about something she had no control over? What was the point in going over scene by scene of frightful possibilities in her head? What was the point of trying to know more, understand more about what was happening? She heard Ravi say she was causing herself immense suffering with her overthinking. And yet she couldn’t stop. She had been trying.

She rubbed her face vigorously with a towel. She rubbed the tears away with even more vigour. It wouldn’t and couldn’t move beyond the towel. She was tired of crying. She took a breath and felt the fear pressing down on her lungs. Heavy and immobile, sitting on her chest, refusing to budge, refusing to let her breathe deeply.

Walking to the kitchen, her gaze fell on the darkened prayer altar tucked away in a corner. When was the last time she lit the lamp? Just as she was about to walk away, she froze. Buried under a layer of dust, the idol of Krishna was smiling at her. She had meant to clean it last week and had forgotten. She walked to the bottle of water on the kitchen platform and poured herself a glass. She spilled some on and watched the water run towards the sink. And just like she heard Grandma’s voice rise from the folds of her memory. “Nothing in the world is permanent. The only constant is your connection to God. When life is lived with this awareness, everything is simple. Just take it one moment at a time. You and God. One moment as a time.”

The glass trembled in her hand as she sipped the water. Suddenly, she was overcome with a restlessness to clean the altar. Picking up the dusting cloth, she walked to the altar. A prayer, she said as a child, found its way to her lips. Grandma had taught her that when she was little. She picked up the idol of Krishna and carried him to the kitchen sink. She watched as the water flowed over him, carrying away the dust, bringing back a lustre to the idol.

Usha used to love Krishna. As a child, she would lovingly bathe her grandma’s idols and dress them in tiny colourful bits of cloth. But Krishna was her favourite one. She would hug his idol and dance with him. She remembered how she would talk to Krishna whenever she was scared or sad. She remembered praying to him, crying with him, and even getting angry with him when she couldn’t have her way. Once when her parents were out at night, she had been so afraid. Grandma was sleeping in her room and so Usha had rushed to Krishna and held him close to her heart. As she spoke to him, she had felt comforted, safe.

Now, she instinctively hugged the wet, soggy Krishna idol. Soon, she didn’t know if it was her tears that were bathing him or if he was still wet from his splash under the tap. Usha stood still, leaning against the kitchen platform just holding the idol. She looked at him with questions in her eyes. She looked at him with yearning in her heart. She looked at him and felt the familiar warm of the love she once felt for him burn in her heart. Why had she had forgotten him?

Reaching for the end of her sari, she wiped the idol dry and placed him in the altar. The prayer found its way back to her lips, as she reached for the wick of the lamp. As she chanted the prayer, Usha found the heaviness in her chest loosening itself. “Me and you. One moment at a time,” she told Krishna. Lighting up the lamp, she looked around the kitchen at the golden shadows dancing around her. She was with her Krishna. Krishna smiled at her. Usha found herself smiling back at him, as she closed her eyes and sat down to pray. 

Some tools to cope with fear, anxiety and panic in the current Coronavirus situation

As much fear as there is in the world, there seems to be more light. I want to choose that, believe that and not crumble in the fear right now. Healers and light-workers around the world, seem to have opened up their hearts and are creating such helpful audios, meditations, etc. to help everyone. Sharing some here –

Returning to a state of calm – by Micheal Golzmane

Tapping through a Crisis – EFT Playlist by Brad Yates

Wellness Shield Mediation – by Steve Nobel ( I love this one)

Physical Wellness Mediation – by Abraham/ Esther Hicks

CoronaVirus Energywork coding – by Rudy Hunter

Immunity Boosting from Now Healing – by Elma Mayer

Energy tools – By Donna Eden

Energy system strengthening – by Prune Harris

Qigong for Coronavirus – by Dr. Nan Lu

Tapping resources – compilation of links by tapping Agenda

Vibrational Support – by Rikka Zimmerman

Coronavirus Support FB videos – by Deepak Chopra

Community Online Meetings – by Teachers of God

Energy Healing – by Michelle Pinto

A process for times of overwhelm, stress or conflict.

Last Sunday, GD shared these words from A Course in Miracles (ACIM). When the going seems tough, most of us simply succumb to the energies of the moment. These simple statements from the ACIM though, when put together, form a process that one can use during such times. And so here it is – the overwhelmed soul’s toolkit for returning to peace!

All you need for this process to work are a pair of functioning eyes, an ability to read, and a readiness to return to peace 😊 And oh, just remember to read this in the order given below. Pause every now and then whenever you feel like it, and do free to share this with anyone you feel this will be helpful to. It contains both GD’s and ACIM’s energies, and hence packs a punch.

Process

A Course in Miracles (ACIM) says this about any kind of challenge and problem –

“The secret of salvation is simply this: that you are doing this unto yourself. No matter what the form of the attack, this is still true. Whoever takes the role of enemy and of attacker, still is this the truth. Whatever seems to be the cause of any pain and suffering you feel, this is still true. For you would not react at all to figures in a dream if you knew that you were dreaming. Let them be as hateful and as vicious as they may, they could have no effect on you unless you failed to recognize it is your dream.

This single lesson learned will set you free from suffering, whatever form it takes. For this one answer takes away the cause of every form of sorrow and of pain. And you will understand that miracles reflect the simple statement – I have done this thing, and it is this I would undo.”

So, whenever you see something troubling you remember

1) This is not real. I have created this dream
“I” have created this. That is where the emphasis is. This is something “I” see.

2) I release the purpose I created this for
What is the purpose for which you created this event? For example, are you trying to prove to yourself that your suffering is real? Are you trying to prove your body is real? Are you trying to prove money or relationships are real? Your mind is always trying to prove multiple things in any scenario. Can you see this whole scenario as an illusion?

3) I release all meaning I have given to this
We give meanings to every scenario. “This is not fair. This should not be happening to me. This means I am bad. This is about karma.” Releasing all meanings means we return to innocence.

4) I let go of wanting to be unique, separate and special-
Suffering offers its own brand of uniqueness and specialness. “Poor me, I do so much and suffer. God is unfair, etc.” The ego creates both specialness and greatness. If you want to be unique, separate and special, you have to believe you are a body. Because consciousness cannot be unique, separate and special. It is only the body that can do that.

Finally say,

I release all guilt and attack on others –
(“They shouldn’t do this. They are making me suffer.” But remember, we are doing this unto ourselves! The ego cannot believe this. For the ego, someone is always doing this to us and we cannot do this to ourselves. Projecting it on others is always the bottom-line of attack.)

I release all guilt and attack on myself-
(“I should do more. I shouldn’t feel angry on others. I shouldn’t…” It is all about guilt and self- attack. We either attack others or ourselves.)

I release all guilt and attack on God and the universe-
(Once we are done blaming others or ourselves, then all the blame goes to God. We believe somewhere that the universe is against us and God is punishing us.)

Finally, say to yourself

  • I am as God created me
    Regardless of what is happening, you are still pure Consciousness. You are still whole, complete and perfect.
  • My holiness reverses all the laws of this world
    Because you created this mess, you can uncreate it anytime. The problem is we always perceive causes to be external and spend an entire lifetime fixing it. The problem is always some cause in the mind.
  • I am God’s Son and His Son cannot suffer
    Jesus says suffering is impossible for a child of God, unless he chooses that particular dream.
  • I am not afraid of God, the world, or the body anymore

Whom will you hang out with today?

A couple of days ago, I chanced upon the video of Oprah talking to Adyashanti, on her Super Soul Sunday show. The way Adyashanti was talking about living life connected with me. The word ‘dignity’ popped into my head. I thought about GD and how he lives. I thought about a few more people I know on the path and how they live their lives.

Be it spiritual masters or students on the path, everyone has to participate in daily activities and experience situations that do not fit the ‘spiritual’ tag. But what struck me about them and what I have not yet managed to learn, is how I go about my life. I am still stuck between wanting to live a simpler, ‘less affected by social norms’ life vs having deep attachments to family, clothes, and dark chocolates! And so I am automatically critical about myself. Perfection is a virus that seems to have deeply infected my system and I am extremely critical about “where I assume I am on the path,” pull myself down for not doing enough, and beat myself up for still having desires and attachments.

As I thought about the journey of those who I now admire, I realized everyone has gone through this graph. But the difference between them and me seemed to be the dignity with which they went about their lives. They gave no importance to anything that has happened and did not categorize it as spiritual or un-spiritual. They simply kept learning, putting into practice what they were learning and letting go of anything that came between them and God. When I look at their lives, I see humility, acceptance and compassion towards everyone including themselves. The base of their existence seems to be a silence, an observation of what happens, and a pause before they respond. All this is based not just on their mind or intelligence, but on their connection with the silence, with the Divine.

I thought what my life lacked was dignity. But as I explore this, it is apparent to me that dignity is another ego goal; what I can see in them and what I believe is lacking is serenity. I yearn for serenity. That still space, unaffected by life around it. And this is where my learning lies. I realize not only am I tough on myself and others, but most often I am not even aware of what I am doing. Life seems to be based on judging myself, feeling afraid, rejecting my own thoughts, feeling small and silly, and reacting to all this. And yet I can see, this is normal for most minds. It is the space the mind keeps returning to. When GD reminded me on Sunday that I am obsessed with myself, this is what he had meant. A life spent listening to the mind results in a hurried, stressful life. From the kiddo’s school project to the husband busy at work, everything seems to be a conspiracy against you – a poor helpless soul.

But as a student on the path, I know this much. I have a choice. I know a life with the mind, minus the Divine, is a small, petty, un-glorious life. It seems to be a life spent in self-glorification, protection, defense, confusion or indulgence. On the other hand, a life with the Divine seems to be one of stillness, serenity and peace. And I have experienced many moments of this connection.

So I ask myself today, who do I want to hang out with? My mind ( so that I can beat myself up a bit more) or with God ( unexpected, unknown day but serene).

I know I will choose God. Who will you choose?

 

 

 

 

Conversations with God

An excerpt from a conversation with my 2yr 8 month old :-

Me: You keep asking me why for every little thing Pranav. I don’t know everything!

Pranav: Why don’t you know everything?

Me: Because only God knows everything and I am not God.

Pranav: I know everything. I am God.

Me: Fine. You are God.

Pranav: Why?

……