Conversations with God

An excerpt from a conversation with my 2yr 8 month old :-

Me: You keep asking me why for every little thing Pranav. I don’t know everything!

Pranav: Why don’t you know everything?

Me: Because only God knows everything and I am not God.

Pranav: I know everything. I am God.

Me: Fine. You are God.

Pranav: Why?

……

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Discovering Humility in myself

Today a random book I was reading taught me a valuable lesson on humility. The book had nothing to do with writing, ego or humility, but as I was reading it I realized that in the past two years I had let my ego, rise, soar and float high above. Why? I don’t know. I never thought of myself as an accomplished writer who has met all her life goals. I mostly feel like a struggling newbie. But somehow over the past couple of years, I let the number of years I have been doing this get to me. I started to respond to people with an authority that is terribly unbecoming of a writer, whatever your stature maybe. And somehow the humility and geniality disappeared.

It is so important for a writer to stay, warm, human and funny. People are drawn to writer who they can connect with. It is the aura of goodwill and creativity that connects you to your customer. And people can sense it when a writer’s priorities are herself and not the person she is writing for.

Luckily I never let be as audacious or get a big bloated head. Luckily my spiritual endeavors always set me right back on track. And what a joyous feeling it is to shed myself of my ego. I feel lighter happier and more energetic. Raring to write now. Write well, write more and write for more, all the while staying true to myself and my client.

 

Burning our batteries

Two months ago my 8-month-old laptop battery decided it didn’t want to work as hard anymore. 10 minutes after it has been charged fully, it began to warn me that the battery was empty. S quickly blamed me for it, saying I probably left it plugged in on charge for too long. Instead of having an argument, I had an epiphany!

We carry our bodies around, flitting from one scene to another, one memory to another, one drive to other, changing what we put inside, often uncaring about what we put out, till the body tires and demands to be charged. Then, we plug ourselves to momentary happiness. A new outfit, high following an accomplishment, a yummy dinner- the effects of which never last. But when we continue to keep ourselves plugged into these transient pleasures, often we end up frazzling our minds, hearts and bodies in the process. We end up burning our batteries, never being able to reach our potential irrespective of how much we charge ourselves. And so while you enjoy the highs, remember that its important to know when to switch off and disconnect yourself from all. Then carry yourself around with equanimity, grace and peace.

Oblique rants 1

From where you look, you see a world which seems daunting, imposing, bewildering and you wonder how can you, so tiny an object in the microcosm of existence, be an object of wonder. Insignificance overwhelms you with its voice and the pounding you feel inside, as you wonder about your role in the greater scheme of things, is not imaginary.

Standing at universe’s edge when you can’t see earth, you wonder how will anyone ever see you? Are all these experiences, emotions, goodness, art, love and living still worth it?

Yes. Because you are an energy, an energy that builds and creates this universe. If you see yourself as a minuscule life-form with no specific purpose, then you are denying the very purpose creation has conceptualized you into being. Everything you know about the size and nature of this world maybe wrong. When you know your own right, live it.

To my children

For Sairam,  Pranav,  Aanya,  Nethra,  Rishab,  Parv,  Jathin, Ved and all kids

I Pray

That you find courage, to be brave
That you nurture compassion, to be kind
That you choose honest,y to be truthful
That you believe in goodness, to be virtuous
That you encourage innovation, to be different
That you discover meditation, to be peaceful
That you believe in simplicity, to be unique
That you behave without prejudice, to be tolerant
That you attach, to be independent
That you look for equanimity, to be stable
That you accept strife, to be tranquil
That you let go of pride, to be dignified
That you learn the value of gratitude, to be rational
That you dispel ignorance, to be aware
That you respect people, to be admired
That you treasure relationships, to be loved
That you understand disappointment, to be content
That you listen to your inner voice, to be successful
That you live, to be yourself

Imagination

Sometimes when I am too tired
being a mother, wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, friend, sister
I seek refuge in my imagination
and ride away on its wings

The shower becomes a waterfall
the green grass outside is a mountain-side
the brown earth are sand dunes
the reflection of the sky in the puddle is my lake

When the body is stuck with everyday living
for a few moments my soul soars
and I travel in my memory
to the sights, sounds and smells I once knew

the earthy rainy mountains  I once trekked in
the sound of seagulls  in the beach
the forts that age graefully into an ignored tomorrow
the shimmering eyes of the deer in the forest at night

All weave their way out from my mind
into my everyday
I relive some moments in my imagination
because that is the only escape I have

Coming back here

Life- both creating it and experiencing it;
Health- mine and of family
Emotions- plenty of them, that run the entire spectrum from elation, gratitude, humility to despair and grief;
Growth- when I let go of what I wanted, accepted that which causes me pain and welcomed the power I possess to make what I want be a part of my life
Spirituality- this has no explanations

My life has been full these the past few months and hence the silence. To the people who have come here, just read what I have to say or/and left comments, thanks. It fills my heart with gratitude to think my words touch people.

I am trying to shake myself out of this self-imposed exile and jolt some words out of their stupor. I can already see thoughts scattered around gather themselves in my head. Maybe when it rains tonight, these will pour out too.

And just as I was about to post this, I found this quote –

“Give, give, give — what is the point of having experience, knowledge or talent if I don’t give it away? Of having stories if I don’t tell them to others? Of having wealth if I don’t share it? I don’t intend to be cremated with any of it! It is in giving that I connect with others, with the world and with the divine. –Isabel Allende”

And this reminds me of why I write.  Its simply because I want to share my life, its lessons, its experiences with others. Because often when I write I remind myself of what life continually teaches me and makes me experience. Because this life is not meant to be a hole a crawl into but a garden in which I plant many seeds.