Rebirth

Rebirth

I sit in this chair
Surrounded by a few plants
Breathing in the discussions of the motley birds
watching the overgrown bamboo bend under its own weight

I have been cowed down by my own inaction
with simple inabilities to persevere
looking back at all I didn’t do
I feel no remorse no guilt

I shed my own skin
and then scrape off some more layers
to watch this redness emerge
a hypersensitivity that feels old though new

I bow to the divine inside me and around
cowed down by no words or wisdom
to live with this constant simplicity
to live conscious of choice

I emerge unscathed and stronger
from a vortex of constant doubt
fed by stories from birth till now
of how things are to be and not

This rebirth is from the womb of a teacher
from the mind of a student ardent to learn
irrepressible and yet willing to surrender it all
I type simply as a conscious life form.

And

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Happy New Possibilities

Why is that on one day at the end of a calender year, we are compelled to recap on the previous 365 days? Why is it that we are consumed with a desire to judge, evaluate and decide what should have been and what should have not the year ago?

The promise of newness probably feels freshest on account of change. And change never seems as inevitable seeing an old calender go and new one appear. The promise of change brings with it hope. Hope that is lighter than winter’s snowflakes; hope that brings with it the fragrance of possibilities that might blossom.

And that is why the New Year is such a wake-up slap for many. It brings with it a reminder to set right that which ails you, and what your have fabulously ignored for long. And so in keeping with current much exaggerated traditions, here is some things I hope for in the year ahead.

– More courage to follow my heart.
– To shut my ears to doubts, others’ words and listen more faithfully to my intuition.
– To be creative in whatever I do and not just fixate upon writing.
– To follow the spiritual path with more dedication and determination.
– To stay healthy

I have much to be grateful for this past year, It changed my life in ways that I can’t even explain. Thank you Universe and GD and keep it all coming…

Staying on course

Whenever I step away from my truth, Illness draws me back inside. It makes me re-connect with the fragility of my body and take a good hard look at what I consider real life. Being sick is my body’s not-so-sly way of banging my head against a wall and telling me to relook the direction I am headed in. It took me long to wise up to my body’s way of keeping me on my spiritual path. But I now have begun to see that every time I have fallen sick are the times when I have been extremely connected to the mind, living from a space of ego and have been disconnected with my true spiritual nature. And my body does not like that. Thank you for not keeping up pretenses.

Most of us live these unreal lives chasing our thoughts round and round believing everything that happens in our lives is as meaningful and lasting as the moment we are in. Blink and your moment has passed, life has passed, lifetime has passed and your soul is presented another new chance to grow. Growth is what takes me back to the source. Shows me the reality of life, which is impermanence.

It is so easy to get lured back into egos, choices, unfulfilled desires and blame games that I keep falling into the trap again and again. I am glad I fell ill and out of the trap. It is time to learn and practice and stay on the journey.  Spirituality is a long-long-long road, tiring, confusing and extremely satisfying. I just need to put on my blinkers and stay on course.

 

Rebirth

Our body rebuilds itself every single day. Cells die, are regenerated, thoughts come and pass and relationships flourish and shrivel, emotions come and pass. We carry somethings and end some stuff. Every singly moment is re-creation. And yet in the past few months, I feel I have been reborn. While I still carry some remnants from the old life, these feel more like lingering memories of a previous lifetime and less connected to who I am today. 

From being someone who chased words to inexplicable connection with silence. From struggling with the destruction of a self-created identity to being a mindful participant in my own rebirth, this has been a beautiful evolution. While I was aware for years that my health problems were created largely by own past emotional issues, it was only in the past few months that I have found the support systems to look at whatever blocked me in the eye and remove the clogs one-by-one. 

This journey is not one of seeking but one of allowing. Allowing whatever comes my way and receiving it with awareness that it won’t last. Be it words, love, joy, grief, people or passions, they are all part of an impermanent, dynamic life. I bid a goodbye to words, but find that they revisit quite frequently now. They too have changed and our interactions now are more pleasant. I found a teacher in my aunt who has taught me much about healing and alternative therapies. She guides me daily in my quest to live better and keeps me grounded to the fallacies of the mind. Through her I have found a guru, a spiritual mentor whose presence in my life has filled it with grace. I am beginning to learn about, understand and share my experiments with alternative therapy, energy psychology and healing.

Now I will have fun. Live this lifetime the way I am meant to. Exploring, learning, sharing, healing and enjoying the mind, world and its creations. Though I am tempted to delete everything old in this blog, I might just let it stay. But this blog too has been born again today. Happy new existence, dear one.

Walking ahead

I have not given this year credit enough for being an important year of my life. In so many ways I am still stuck to the memories of my year in Boston and how wonderful it was. How it expanded my horizons, how it gave me friends who have become an important part of my life, how I got to know and understand people from different countries, continents and cultures, how I got to follow my passion for dance, etc.,etc. And in this process I have completely only blamed this year for being as hard as it has been health-wise. But the issues have also brought in a completely new wisdom about my body, what it can do and it can’t, what it can bear and it can’t, how I should treat it and how I can harm it. With that awareness has some a movement, a regular reminder of what my soul truly needs to be happy and free.
Keep walking is my theme for this year. Every step taken is a small success. Every time you move ahead do it with awareness. And that awareness is to be as simple as can be, live as simply as I can and to continually be in a space that brings me peace. This has been so much more easier and harder than I imagined. Imaging a path is the stuff dreams are made off. But walking the path of trust, knowing that life is giving me all that I need at that moment, believing the universe is sending me the very energies I need, allowing myself to love myself with my imperfections and most of all accepting that not money but it is the simple act of helping others and healing others gives me joy, these are the very things I have imagined doing and never allowed myself the time for.
I have renounced perfection and remind myself everyday to give up on perfection which I imagine others expect. I have accepted that I am doing my best each moment and even when I fail, there is a lesson to be learned. This faith is what keeps me alive and has kept me in a cocoon of trust. Everytime I or someone I love falls, the universe holds us and brings us back to our feet. All I need to do is keep walking ahead.

Conversations with God

An excerpt from a conversation with my 2yr 8 month old :-

Me: You keep asking me why for every little thing Pranav. I don’t know everything!

Pranav: Why don’t you know everything?

Me: Because only God knows everything and I am not God.

Pranav: I know everything. I am God.

Me: Fine. You are God.

Pranav: Why?

……

Being a woman

is learning to be ok with what you dislike
to be happy, sad or neutral, learning to live your emotions
making an uninfluenced choice

is finding freedom in little things – a meal, book or dance,
to float even when you think life is tied down,
to sink so you rise above

is knowing to stop, tormenting yourself with thoughts
doubts, depressions, worthlessness- when your mind whimpers
close the door, leave negativity out

is not letting yourself down,
break self-imposed barriers
ignore gossip and envious ones around

is knowing you have all you ever need
till you choose to bring in more, being a woman after all
is life’s toughest role.