Leaving myself

I fall
a flower on its way to god’s feet
empty of desires
devoid of defenses
willing to be adorned
or trodden over

The mind is shedding its person
leaving behind a being
at once nothing and all-encompassing

Where there was once fear
now lives joy waiting to play in light
bask in the glow of the present moment,
in this lifetime that is a blink of the universe’s eye

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Staying on course

Whenever I step away from my truth, Illness draws me back inside. It makes me re-connect with the fragility of my body and take a good hard look at what I consider real life. Being sick is my body’s not-so-sly way of banging my head against a wall and telling me to relook the direction I am headed in. It took me long to wise up to my body’s way of keeping me on my spiritual path. But I now have begun to see that every time I have fallen sick are the times when I have been extremely connected to the mind, living from a space of ego and have been disconnected with my true spiritual nature. And my body does not like that. Thank you for not keeping up pretenses.

Most of us live these unreal lives chasing our thoughts round and round believing everything that happens in our lives is as meaningful and lasting as the moment we are in. Blink and your moment has passed, life has passed, lifetime has passed and your soul is presented another new chance to grow. Growth is what takes me back to the source. Shows me the reality of life, which is impermanence.

It is so easy to get lured back into egos, choices, unfulfilled desires and blame games that I keep falling into the trap again and again. I am glad I fell ill and out of the trap. It is time to learn and practice and stay on the journey.  Spirituality is a long-long-long road, tiring, confusing and extremely satisfying. I just need to put on my blinkers and stay on course.

 

Unfocus

Since last Sunday’s session with GD, my spiritual teacher, I have found a cue-word to re-connect with awareness and reset the mind. The word is Unfocus. At the session we spoke about how the things we view as pleasure are the very things that create our pain. Then we spoke about awareness and staying in the space of consciousness. But for me the highlight of the session, was a simple lesson from GD.

When we choose to intently focus on something we end up creating pain. When we are unfocused, the pain disappears.

This simple statement affected me profoundly.  Isn’t it true that only when we focus on people’s words or actions, then speculate about their intent, judge their emotions, make assumptions about their motives, that a conflict arises which then generates a pain response in our body and mind. But when you are unfocused none of this matters. Like the times you are truly happy, walking around with a smile and don’t even notice other people’s negativity.

Watching anything from a distance helps keep things unfocused. If someone sounds irritated, Unfocus; instead of choosing to feel they are irritated with you and responding with irritation or anger. When someone provokes you, Unfocus and you will find that you respond with words and not emotions.

We live our lives searching for some deeper meaning in all that we do. Do we even realize how much of our life is about focusing? We have been taught to focus on what we do, what we must do, so that is it done well. And when work, relationships or even hobbies are not focused on and something goes wrong there, we end up feeling pain. But the truth is that we are all here just playing out our dramas. Our minds and emotions add so much fuel to our imaginations that we begin to take ourselves and others too seriously, letting not just sparks fly but fires rage.

Being unfocused can produce better results. It has. I have written more, been more relaxed, fought less, laughed more and been happier in the past 3 days. Being unfocused seems to be be creating a life around me that is at ease with itself and hence more productive.  When I feel the anger well up, judgements take over or tiredness creep, all I need to remind myself is to unfocus. And I see the larger picture- everything is meaningless unless I choose to give it a particular meaning.

 

 

Rebirth

Our body rebuilds itself every single day. Cells die, are regenerated, thoughts come and pass and relationships flourish and shrivel, emotions come and pass. We carry somethings and end some stuff. Every singly moment is re-creation. And yet in the past few months, I feel I have been reborn. While I still carry some remnants from the old life, these feel more like lingering memories of a previous lifetime and less connected to who I am today. 

From being someone who chased words to inexplicable connection with silence. From struggling with the destruction of a self-created identity to being a mindful participant in my own rebirth, this has been a beautiful evolution. While I was aware for years that my health problems were created largely by own past emotional issues, it was only in the past few months that I have found the support systems to look at whatever blocked me in the eye and remove the clogs one-by-one. 

This journey is not one of seeking but one of allowing. Allowing whatever comes my way and receiving it with awareness that it won’t last. Be it words, love, joy, grief, people or passions, they are all part of an impermanent, dynamic life. I bid a goodbye to words, but find that they revisit quite frequently now. They too have changed and our interactions now are more pleasant. I found a teacher in my aunt who has taught me much about healing and alternative therapies. She guides me daily in my quest to live better and keeps me grounded to the fallacies of the mind. Through her I have found a guru, a spiritual mentor whose presence in my life has filled it with grace. I am beginning to learn about, understand and share my experiments with alternative therapy, energy psychology and healing.

Now I will have fun. Live this lifetime the way I am meant to. Exploring, learning, sharing, healing and enjoying the mind, world and its creations. Though I am tempted to delete everything old in this blog, I might just let it stay. But this blog too has been born again today. Happy new existence, dear one.

Walking ahead

I have not given this year credit enough for being an important year of my life. In so many ways I am still stuck to the memories of my year in Boston and how wonderful it was. How it expanded my horizons, how it gave me friends who have become an important part of my life, how I got to know and understand people from different countries, continents and cultures, how I got to follow my passion for dance, etc.,etc. And in this process I have completely only blamed this year for being as hard as it has been health-wise. But the issues have also brought in a completely new wisdom about my body, what it can do and it can’t, what it can bear and it can’t, how I should treat it and how I can harm it. With that awareness has some a movement, a regular reminder of what my soul truly needs to be happy and free.
Keep walking is my theme for this year. Every step taken is a small success. Every time you move ahead do it with awareness. And that awareness is to be as simple as can be, live as simply as I can and to continually be in a space that brings me peace. This has been so much more easier and harder than I imagined. Imaging a path is the stuff dreams are made off. But walking the path of trust, knowing that life is giving me all that I need at that moment, believing the universe is sending me the very energies I need, allowing myself to love myself with my imperfections and most of all accepting that not money but it is the simple act of helping others and healing others gives me joy, these are the very things I have imagined doing and never allowed myself the time for.
I have renounced perfection and remind myself everyday to give up on perfection which I imagine others expect. I have accepted that I am doing my best each moment and even when I fail, there is a lesson to be learned. This faith is what keeps me alive and has kept me in a cocoon of trust. Everytime I or someone I love falls, the universe holds us and brings us back to our feet. All I need to do is keep walking ahead.

The mind is a monkey

I have heard people refer to the mind as a monkey in many a spiritual discourse. And there is no disputing that! I have a monkey for a head most of the times. But while watching the cartoon ‘The new adventures of Hanuman’ with Pranav with the other day, I had yet another epiphany. (Seem to be having quite a few of these off-late).

Culture/Mythology has depicted Hanuman, the Monkey God (a devotee of Lord Rama) as a super-strong one.  He is said to have powers to destroy all evil and protect a believer from harm. Watching the cartoon, explaining to Pranav what Hanuman was doing, I realized that if the mind is a monkey, it needs to be a Hanuman. I strongly believe that it is not our ensuing physical emotions but our mind, as in thought process and responses, which is the root cause of all fears, sorrows and illness. If we can make our mind super-strong (Hanuman-like) then we can destroy all negative forces that drag us down. We all need a Hanuman in our head and it is completely in our hands if we choose to succumb to the monkey’s craziness or tame the monkey successfully.

This enlightened thought later, every-time I catch myself succumbing to a thought or emotion that begins to drag me down, I remind myself that its time to bring out the mace and whack it away. And wonders of wonders, it seems to be working most of the time too! Three Cheers for Hanuman, the cartoon and the deity!