Lesson 26: My attack thoughts are attacking my invulnerability

It had been a while and the pain had not abated. Taking one more sip of the warm water, I prayed that the pain subsides. I looked besides me to ensure the phone was close-by. I hoped it wouldn’t come to that and I wouldn’t need to dial emergency. Rubbing my aching tummy, I leaned back into the chair. When had I become such a worry-wart? People said with old age came the tendency to fear, but I had never believed much in that.

Was it the stories of sickness I heard all the times? Friends falling down and breaking bones while they were alone, friends with families suffering from illness ranging from Alzheimer’s to Parkinson’s to weak hearts. Just last week, a relative had called and told me about her bad dental health. It felt like everyone’s bodies was out to get them.

I was afraid I would end up sick. If this tummy ache worsened, I might end up having to go to emergency. I would have to call someone again or worse dial the ambulance. What if it suddenly worsened, before I could call someone? I got up from my chair and paced around the room. My chest felt a little tight as well now. Maybe, it had to do with my heart. The kids were away travelling. They would have to come back.

My head felt a little light and I slowly walked to the chair and settled myself in it. Maybe I should call someone to be with me now. I had not even made my will. I had been planning to and somehow or the other, kept delaying it. It would be sad, if something were to happen to me when no one was home. I didn’t want to die alone.

As I held my stomach and bent forward, my gaze went to the picture of God on the wall. And my racing mind paused. Where was my faith? Why was I attacking myself with these thoughts? I was the fittest among all the people my age. I had run a marathon for elders, a few months ago. Why was I thinking such negative thoughts?! I shook my head determinedly and stood up. Maybe I could walk this off. 

Hardly had I taken two steps, before I knocked the phone off the side-table. As I bent down to pick it up, a loud roar escaped from my rear. I stood upright with a start and paused. A few seconds later, I realized I was feeling better. The next sound that escaped me was from my mouth. I laughed and laughed and laughed and my stomach kept feeling better.

(God has a sense of humor better than mine 😉 If you want to read more such short writings I felt guided to write, do visit the Lessons of Love page.)

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