One of the things that has been unraveled to me sometimes slowly and sometimes like a band-aid being ripped apart, is the ego’s desire to be a teacher or like mine to be a spiritual guru. Ha ha ha. Its a funny one.
We all want to be acknowledged for our intelligence. And the moment we learn something or sometimes even just hear something that resonates deeply with us, we want to share it with the world. Even before it transforms from information to experience. We connect with some wisdom, feel wiser, and believe we are experts in the subject matter. We learn a technique and enjoy it so much we want to teach it to everyone. But there is a difference between knowing something and living something. Information is part of the path, experience is part of the destination.
Nowhere is this more visible than in the spiritual domain. We read a few books, listen to a teacher (or few teachers) and believe we have got it. We then want people to acknowledge that we have got it. When the validation doesn’t come from home ( it rarely does), we begin to look for external students who will validate this. Initially, seeing this ego behaviour is painful. You feel foolish. Till you learn to laugh at it. With awareness comes the ability to watch this ego trait rear its head and not to take it too seriously.
The truth is that the ego is a terrible teacher. When it decides to be a spiritual teacher it is often harsh on itself and others. It demands perfection in life, speech, manners, habits. It is unforgiving of any so-called imperfection. The irony is that all these imperfections and shortcomings have actually been defined by a world you are trying to move beyond! And yet, we use spiritual barometers to trap and define ourselves. We want to be the perfect spiritual student who becomes a great spiritual leader. How is that ever possible?! How is perfection ever possible in a world of personalities. Every spiritual teacher too has a personality, parts of which are bound to be flawed and judged by the world.
The ego believes being the teacher is the ultimate validation of its worth. Truth is, its the most challenging. When we can’t manage our own minds, how can we ever manage the minds of others? We rarely follow our own counsel but hope others will follow ours and experience miraculous changes in their lives. This rarely happens. And so a teacher still rooted in the ego faces constant rage, rejection and frustration. People don’t come for Truth. Most people just want a certain degree of comfort in their lives. When they feel this comfort, they are satisfied. Till the comfort is lost and then want the teacher to do something to regain the comfort.
A spiritual path is not for the meek. It is for the mighty. Everyone is mighty. But till we believe we are meek, weak and dependent on an external solution for our problems, our paths are bound to be tumultuous. A true spiritual teacher is someone who keeps experiencing the unchanging Truth of his Being. And then from that space, shines the Truth so strongly out in the world, that anyone who comes in contact with him/her, experiences their own inner light. That is all a teacher does. That is all my teacher, GD, does too. Everything else is part of the ego’s games.
Atha : Returning to the Now 