Most of us live in the past. Our wrong choices are reminders of our incompetence and we would rather stay in the comfort of failure than to step beyond it and risk failure again. And so guilt becomes our friend. It is easier to choose guilt than change. Why? Because it is easier to live in the shadow of past regrets, memories and experiences, than to step into the sunlight, face the harsh light of bad choices and move onto newer experiences.
But in the past few months, I have systematically chosen to release myself of guilt that I had been carrying since years. When I look back I see that I chose unwisely, trusted too easily and hurt very readily. I always assumed in my ability to awaken the inherent good in people and ended up hurting. But those experiences remain just that.
I have grown to realize that by choosing to stay stuck with those experiences, I still gave those memories immense power over me. I still gave people who hurt me immense power over me by continuing to remember the emotions, the memories still evoked in my mind and body. Guilt is a great way to stay stuck and I knew it was time to shake myself free of it and move on. Life was too full of possibilities to stay stuck.
And so, slowly and steadily I have been clearing myself of all the past garbage I still carry inside. First by forgiving others ( dear me its tough!) and then by forgiving myself ( even more tougher) for making those choices. By doing this not only do I feel much much much lighter inside but I am also opening myself up to newer and better experiences.
There is little joy to be found in the familiarity of pain while the fear of newness can usher in great happiness. I chose to forgive myself and I hope you do the same too.