I was more than a little confused. It was not like Shea to be upset or moody, especially with me. I was the one she confided to in her worst moments. Why was she not speaking to me today? Her choice to be quiet instead of talk to me had me confused. Maybe she had sensed my irritation earlier even though I had said nothing.
Even as I went about my chores, I found my mind wandering back to her. At first guilt had nudged at my heart. But as time passed, indignation was whispering stories against her in my head. If she wanted silence, so be it. Why should I bother? She was being unnecessarily moody. It was none of my business.
But it felt like my business. It felt like I had to know. I wanted to confess that I had been irritated with her earlier. I was eager to find out if she had sensed it. I did not want anything to interfere with our friendship, and yet wasn’t I actually attacking her mentally by thinking ill of her now? The mind is a strange creature. If it doesn’t find comfort with the ones who it claims to love the most, it can turn into a brutal weapon that is quick to take jabs at them.
Right now, I wasn’t very happy with my mind. This was not who I wanted to be. This was not the kind of friendship I wanted. Walking to my altar, I knelt down in prayer. “God, show me another way of looking at this. I know there is another way of looking at this, of looking at the world. Show me what you want me to see.”
My mind wandered to a web-series I was watching. Lucifer the devil had given up his wings and come to earth. He was choosing mortality over divinity. He wanted another way of looking at the world. We, the children of God, were giving up our divinity to be mortal too. And then I saw Shea, an innocent child of God. Someone riddled with emotions like me. Someone who was beyond them, like a glorious child of God. I did not know why she was moody, and the story did not matter. It did not even matter that I had been irritated with her. Both she and I were beyond these little stories.
I opened my eyes and my gaze fell on the picture of the Lord. It seemed aglow. My heart fell into peace. Walking away, I felt the willingness to let her be. She would call me soon enough.
(These writings are inspired by A Course in Miracles. If you like what you read, explore more such writing at Lessons of Love page)